Friends in your Forties

By Christine Ryder

Friends in Your Forties are the Sisters You Choose

In your forties, the stuff - as they say - tends to hit the fan. This decade is the business-end of life. Work, relationships, parenting, physical health - it all converges into one, epic to-do list and there is no outsourcing. Friendships tend to be long-term ones that can survive without heavy maintenance.

We liken these friends to “sisters” because they are family you choose. There is shared history and values. You can pick up after a long break with the same intimacy as when you were always together. Support from the "family you choose" is vital to navigating this decade without losing yourself.

Best of all, this posse of women root for you fiercely. They take no shit. They cheer for every milestone. They celebrate every success. They sing your praises even when you aren’t around. Friends in your forties are the well that refills you for the fight.

Sisterly Advice from Friends in your Forties

Women in their forties can get lost in service to others just as they themselves need the most attention. We surveyed some of our sisters-by-choice for the advice they’d give to friends in your forties. These are our favorites because of how well they complement each other:

Don’t wait for the check-engine light.

You are now “middle-aged.” This bullshit term is rife with outdated stereotypes and unflattering imagery, but it is a fact. The bad news is that the myriad of annoying changes to your sleep, weight, mood, body comp, and energy is likely perimenopause. The good news is that you can mitigate the symptoms once you identify the cause.

Your body is the youngest it will ever be. If it is serving you well, keep the pedal down (and add weight training if you aren’t already doing it). If there’s room for improvement, start right now.

Prioritize sleep, a healthy diet, exercise, & peace. Doing something every day to improve flexibility, balance, and strength. (Bonus if you can build these healthy habits with the friends in your forties you love best.)

How well you care for your body now will absolutely determine your quality of life later. Invest in repairing, restoring, and resting.

Stop trying to boil the ocean.

A common theme among high-achievers is taking on too much. (There’s a reason that the painfully-accurate audio “then who. TF. is going. to do it?” went viral.) But “busy” is not a flex. It leads to burnout.

You may be the most capable and ambitious woman on the planet, but you are, in fact, just one. Don’t pour all of yourself into something if it leaves you empty. Work cannot love you back. Invisible labor is exhausting.

Stress is not the foundation upon which to build. It will give way eventually and the crash can be devastating. Don’t suffer in silent resentment.

Other people’s opinions are none of your business.

Most people cannot be bothered to care what you buy or achieve. Don’t do it for them. Give yourself permission to let go of external expectations. You know that scene in Runaway Bride where Richard Gere accuses Julia Roberts of not even knowing what kind of eggs she likes? Don’t accommodate the world so much that you forget yourself.

You are perfectly lovable just as you are. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. They are not the boss of you.

Take up space. Be your authentic self. You are enough. Repeat as often as necessary.

Speak the truth. Hold space for it.

Maturing into your forties means speaking up - for yourself, for others, for change. Be brave enough to be who you really are. Be compassionate enough to let others be themselves around you.

Challenge rules, ideas, and beliefs that no longer serve so you can be part of the reason generations of women behind you struggle less.

women in their forties enjoying a girls' trip

Make time for joy.

The heavy-lifting and obligations of this decade make it easy to forget to have fun. Don’t.

Put the things that bring you bright-eyed joy on the calendar if you have to - hobbies or adventures, belly laughs or quiet meditation. None of us knows the length of our timeline. Pack as much joy into this little life as you can.

If you're ready to give and receive your own sisterly advice, why not make it a date with the women friends in your life? They might not need constant attention, but you'll all be better with a little.

Fun with Friends in your Forties

If calendars and budgets can accommodate, plan a destination retreat so there is no place to be but with each other. Winter timing might be the least hectic, plus it honors the resilience and endurance required by your forties.

The start of the year is often dreary, and not just because of the weather. There is a come-down from the frenetic high of the holidays. When the family and social obligations finally lighten up, it’s time to pause and replenish.

THEME: WINTER WEEKEND RETREAT

Go to the Spa

What better way to soothe a ravaged spirit than to retreat into the restorative zen of a spa with the women who balance you best. Book rooms and the day-package at the best spa available to take advantage of soaking tubs and steam rooms and whatever else the spa offers between services. Many spas have group rates. They may even offer a private room where your crew can set up refreshments. It pays to ask!

For wine, a crisp, elegant Pouilly-Fuissé or Pinot Blanco will be right at home with a fruit & cheese grazing board and the pure enjoyment of the day. Check out the Charmingly Chic Collection for the perfect whites to add to your bliss.

friends in your forties winter weekend getaway

Escape to a Cabin

If spas aren’t your thing, consider a lake house sleepover. Booking in the off-season translates into discounts. Look for a place with a large, loungey sectional and a working fireplace. There is a lot of fireside chatting that will be taking place.

Even if cooking is your jam, plan a low-maintenance meal like a hearty soup or stew so everyone can spend their time together and off their feet. Crusty bread with a bit of soft cheese, a warm bowl of comfort, and the leisure of long conversations into the night are the perfect balance to the demands of this era.

Put on some music, pour a bold Cab Franc or robust Vinista, before sinking into the comfort of your surroundings with your friends and sisters. Explore the Road Less Traveled Collection for reds that will warm you from the inside.

Planning this event? Use Code CHEERS25 to save 25% on any WyneTyme Wine Collection.